The Goings Ons of Things

Up at 7, busy until 6. 7 hour plane flight. 5 hour lay over in Paris, France. 7 hour plane flight to Benin. That was my first two days of Peace Corps journey.

By the time I got to Benin, I was sleep deprived, had been wearing the same clothes for 24 hours, had not pooped in 2 whole days, and hadn't eaten anything remotely filling or healthy. Despite that, there is no feeling to describe the way I felt as we wove through traffic in a van full of 29 people--made for 15, arriving to the St. Jean Eudes compound to dozens of current volunteers screaming our names.

No traffic lights, no turn signals, no stop signs, yield signs, lane merges right or left signs, one way signs, or stay on your side of the road lines. No crashes.

Benin is AMAZING. Cotonou, a major city, is huge and dirty and polluted and crowded and absolutely beautiful.

Women carrying baskets of bread on their heads. Women and men with tiny babies strapped to their backs. Men selling huge glass vases of gasoline on the side of the street. Tons of street-side shops selling everything; bread, avacodo, rosaries, dried bananas, dried meat, even cell phone sim cards.

The trees are amazing and to top it off, the ground is all sand--no dirt. It's humid but by no means terrible. I spend my days in a sheen of liquid and my nights relaxing to fans and crickets, sleeping under a mosquito net.

The friends I have made, are definitely making this journey trés beaucoup better! Erin, Jennifer, Dave, and our little nugget Jamie are such amazing people.

No diarrhea despite new and strange food exposed to insects. No malaria despite tons of mosquito bites. No feelings of regret despite the fact that I miss Roberto so much.

Benin is where I should be.

I miss all of you very much.

Up, down, side to side.

Sitting in the car, on the way to orientation, I feel so focused I can barely pay attention to the conversation happening around me.

My stomach rumbles, partly to release my overwhelming sense of anxiety but mostly because I haven't eaten anything and it's nearly 11 o' clock. Starving, the thought of food repulses me.

Each mile we drive I feel a ripping. The image in my head is this: I'm a gummy bear being peeled off a wall. Perfectly content, I'm forcibly moved from a blissful state of suspension to something else. Sure I asked to be moved; want to be moved; can find the value in being moved but now I feel a tinge of regret. I'm making people sad, I don't want to leave the comfort of my home or Rob's embrace.

Lunch comes with fellow future Peace Corps Volunteers, and they're great people.

Time to say goodbye. I feel so guilty. Jenna's crying, Claire's crying, and Meaghan's depressed. Am I playing with fate? I found love--I have love and now I've said "hold on."

They're proud of me, I do know.

What I feel most at this point though is this: Robert Curtis Wimer Jr. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I could not have made this journey without your help and unyielding support. I will miss you terribly--more than I can ever put in words. You are literally my everything. Please don't be sad. Keep your head up. Do things. I'll see you soon.