My stomach rumbles, partly to release my overwhelming sense of anxiety but mostly because I haven't eaten anything and it's nearly 11 o' clock. Starving, the thought of food repulses me.
Each mile we drive I feel a ripping. The image in my head is this: I'm a gummy bear being peeled off a wall. Perfectly content, I'm forcibly moved from a blissful state of suspension to something else. Sure I asked to be moved; want to be moved; can find the value in being moved but now I feel a tinge of regret. I'm making people sad, I don't want to leave the comfort of my home or Rob's embrace.
Lunch comes with fellow future Peace Corps Volunteers, and they're great people.
Time to say goodbye. I feel so guilty. Jenna's crying, Claire's crying, and Meaghan's depressed. Am I playing with fate? I found love--I have love and now I've said "hold on."
They're proud of me, I do know.
What I feel most at this point though is this: Robert Curtis Wimer Jr. I love you with all of my heart and soul. I could not have made this journey without your help and unyielding support. I will miss you terribly--more than I can ever put in words. You are literally my everything. Please don't be sad. Keep your head up. Do things. I'll see you soon.
2 comments:
Clayton, I love you too! No need to feel guilty - we will all be ok. Everyone involved will be stronger because of this.
At this moment I am anxiously awaiting your phone call that you have landed in Paris.
Oh, btw, will you please now change your clock... to a countdown 'till when you come home??!! :-)
"Rho"
Clay,
I can imagine the foriegness of the air, the sky, the smells, the sounds is overwhelming. Your spirit will find a home in all that and no worries...friends will "hold on" without fail.
I was just bragging about you to Rita Pope yesterday during the first of many "knitting parties".
Colleen
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